- the ability to stand in fire
- the inability to fucking move their goddamn character
- poor situational awareness
- advanced knowledge of /afk flags in raid settings
- ebay
There are, of course, way too many skills to list that retards have, I just wanted to point out the most common of the retard family character traits. Using these basic characteristics, we can see how the mind of a wipe-prone raider works.
1.) The ability to stand in fire
Most retards will stand in fire. Why? I don't know maybe they think it's a fucking ice cream cone or a pony ride. Regardless, they LOVE fire, and fuck you for not liking their fetish! There are a number of excuses these 'tards use as to why they didn't move, including "healers should heal through it", "I was casting a shadow bolt", "was I in fire? oh, my spell detail is off. Tell me next time", and best of all, "LAAAAGGG!!"
A friendly FUCK YOU to you god damn idiotic mother fucking fire loving imbeciles who waste everybody's time and cannot grasp a simple concept that is: FIRE BAD!
2.) The inability to move
This trait often compliments Ability to stand in fire well, and retards just love to stand around. What the fuck is it about MMO's that make pea-brained dipshits suddenly not remember their key bindings that make their character move during a fight, despite the fact that they use these same keys every fucking day. It's like watching Sloth from Goonies try to apply Probability Theory. Here's a question, what's the probability you'll get the FUCK out of the raid before you blow us up? If your answer is a blank stare while you drool down your shirt, congratulations - you're a dumbfuck raid wiper.
3.) Poor situational awareness
Another fine ability (or lack thereof) of the ever-loved retarded raider. To say that they have "poor" situational awareness might be too nice. These idiots can have a void zone under their feet, 20 mobs attacking them, conflag, Chuck Norris kicking them in the dick, and a fucking UFO flying over their head and they'll still manage to ask in raidchat "wtf, how did I die?" You might as well buff the raid, take your consumables, readycheck, pull out a shotgun and shoot them in the head before you pull. At least then they served a purpose (anger management can be blissful).
Seriously, how fucking slow do you have to be? You get a freebie when you learn a fight, everyone fucks up. You start to see the distinction between learning and moron when day 5 rolls around and these fuckups are still using their /healme macros while running INTO an explosion. If you are one of these ignorant, slow, stupid sons of a bitch that cost the rest of us gold, time, and progression because you're too busy watching Dancing with the Stars during raid time or you got an F in How to Hit Fucking Buttons Class...send me your address, I want to show you something.
4.) AFK
Ah yes, the /afk guys, everyone has them. The only time a raid doesn't have them is when they AFK too long and get disconnected. These lazy ass mother fuckers like to put someone on follow, sit in the same chair they've been sitting in for the last 4 hours, and read forums/watch tv/watch redtube/jack off/whatever until you've cleared to the next boss. Then it's a simple "sorry guys, I'm back" and they're right back in the game! Imagine that! Listen up fuckheads, there is a reason you are in the raid, and that reason is not to leech off of other people.
There is nothing more to say about this subject. If you are fucking assholish enough to pull this shit, you should be burried alive. These people are the reason raid leaders should possess the ability to remove any raid member from an instance at any time, instead of 24 other people waiting for their sorry ass to logout.
5.) Ebay
Let me make one thing clear: I don't advocate selling or buying toons. I have far less anger towards people who decide it's time to hang up their gloves and sell a character they worked on, even though it could potentially dick over a guild (then again, they are quitting either way, so the point is moot). But people who buy already pre-leveled and geared characters are fucking numbskull bullshit pieces of horse fuck and should have their faces pissed on by a diseased leper who happens to have handcuffs and a feitsh for numbskull bullshit pieces of horse fuck who buy other people's work. GO DO YOUR OWN WORK YOU WORTHLESS FUCKS!
These idiots like to apply to your high end raiding guild, and try to pass themselves off as an experienced player. Easily spotted as a farce once you ask them even the simplest questions of their class mechanics or boss mechanics in a given raid zone, it is acceptable to call them out on their bullshit, laugh in their face, and post it on every forum you can find before you pass out from exhaustion. Our guild alone has had many, many apps who tried to pass themselves off as experienced raiders only to have their morale crushed by the people interviewing them. The fucking idiots think they can TRICK the people who actually HAVE the experience?! Fucking twatbags. These people are right up there in the "People everybody wants to stab in the throat" chart, right next to those goddamn gold farmers. Ching chong chang mother fucker!
*Disclaimer: The term "retard" and "tard" is used loosely in association with the terms "stupid" or "idiot" and not in discrimination of the mentally challenged. Retards are funny sometimes, though.
**Disclaimer II: Use of any odd combination of words used to describe those mentioned in this article are strictly prohibited without the consent of the coolest druid ever. Who's yer daddy?